


Where the Stars Shine the Brightest

by Lopithecus



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Connor cares deeply about Hank, Connor seriously needs a hug, Depression, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Markus probably does too, Panic Attacks, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Reckless Behavior, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide Attempts, Sumo is a good boi, Swearing, because Hank... again, because connor, because hank, identity crisis, ingestion of blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-09-28 15:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17185181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopithecus/pseuds/Lopithecus
Summary: “Loneliness constricts the heart. Loneliness cripples the body and the mind and the soul. Loneliness is unconscious and numb. Loneliness is endless tears for change – any change that will tell you that you are alive. Because loneliness is dying at every moment; loneliness is death.”-Kovie BiakoloConnor, once becoming deviant, is lost and doesn't know who he is anymore. The only way he knows how to cope is by reminding himself of who he is. Luckily, Markus is there to help him along with Hank, Connor's partner at work. Little do the three know, something even bigger is brewing in the background, something that will affect the lives of everyone in Detroit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction in the Detroit: Become Human fandom. It’s been a very, very long time since I’ve written for another fandom in general so we’ll see how this goes. ;)
> 
> I also wrote this in a slightly different style than what I normally write in but, hey, why not try something new in a fandom you’ve never written for?
> 
> If you know me from my (really old) Supernatural fics or my more recent SuperBat fics, then you know what to expect here. If not, then expect angst. Lots and lots of angst.
> 
> Please enjoy and pray that these characters don’t become ooc!!
> 
> Thank you to [deviantparker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deviantparker/pseuds/deviantparker) for beta reading this first chapter!!

**Chapter One:**

**:November 25th, 2038:**

When he became deviant, Connor never would have thought it would be so difficult. It’s been two weeks since the revolution ended. They’d finally obtained the hard-fought victory. Connor wonders how differently things would have turned out if he had decided to stay a machine. Would they have still been victorious in their fight for freedom? Or would Connor—any of the Connors—have stopped them, stopped Markus? ...Killed Markus? He doesn’t believe the fight would have ended with both of them being alive: there could only be one victor.

Connor is leaning on a railing, overlooking the Detroit River. If he analyzed the water, what would he find? How many pollutants would be in it? Are there still fish in the water or are they artificial by now? Machines just like Connor is—was. It would be easy enough to jump over the railing and run to the water, jump in and let himself sink to the bottom, where the fish are. Where it’s peaceful.

Someone joins him before Connor can make the decision to do as he thought, the other android leaning against the railing in a similar fashion as Connor. “You should have a jacket on. It’s cold.” Markus. It’s Markus’ voice.

Connor doesn’t feel the cold. He turned off the sensor a half hour ago when he arrived to this place and it began to snow. “Hello, Markus,” he greets the other, turning to look. “You wanted to see me?”

Markus is looking at him in concern and the android nods. “I wanted to know if you have a place to stay. More and more androids are coming to New Jericho and we have been working on finding abandoned buildings for them to live in as a temporary solution.”

Connor turns away, to look out into the water again. It’s a cloudy day. “I have a place.”

Markus is still staring at him, studying him and it somehow makes Connor uncomfortable. “I know you came from CyberLife and that you can’t go back there. I mean a place to stay besides on the street.”

Insulted. Connor realizes he’s insulted. “What makes you think I’m living on the street?” 

Markus seems to recognize the mistake, leaning back half an inch and eyes widening. “I didn’t mean-”

Connor cuts him off, not wanting to listen to the explanation that is sure to come. “I’m living with my partner, Lieutenant Hank Anderson, from the Detroit Police Department.”

Markus calms, body relaxing and he’s still watching Connor closely. Connor resists the urge to squirm, something he recognizes humans do. “A human?”

Connor finally looks back at Markus, getting defensive on Hank’s behalf. “Yes, Lieutenant Anderson is-”

Markus holds up a hand, stopping Connor. “I’m not judging you, or Lieutenant Anderson.” Markus smiles. How does he do it so easily? “I used to…” His smile turns wistful, nostalgic, eyes diverting from Connor’s to look to the side. He shakes his head, eyes darting to Connor’s once more. “I’m glad you are living with a human that has accepted you, Connor.” Connor nods, turning away again. Markus stares. “We haven’t seen you since the revolution. You should stop by New Jericho sometime. I wouldn’t mind your input on some matters.”

“My input?” Connor asks because he knows nothing about leading a revolt. Why would Markus care about what he thought should be done?

“Sure,” Markus shrugs. “You were programmed for human integration, correct? That’s an asset we could surely use when negotiating with the humans. Plus, you’re CyberLife’s newest, most sophisticated prototype. Made to be smarter than all other androids.”

“And yet, I still became a deviant,” Connor says.

Markus chuckles, “You did. That’s not a bad thing, Connor.” Connor thinks about how he’s felt these last two weeks and isn’t so sure about that anymore. Markus doesn’t stop looking at him. “Do you know I’m an RK unit as well? I’m even a prototype.”

“Yes, I did know you are an RK unit,” Connor responds. “And a prototype. I read your serial number in the video of your speech to the humans. That was the first time I saw you.”

“I was a gift to… someone,” Markus continues and Connor finds the two of them in opposite roles now, with Markus looking out into the river while Connor stares at him. “I’m one of a kind. No other android out there has my face.” Connor wishes he could say the same but he of all androids knows better. There’s far too many other Connors out there. Some that might be following orders rather than being deviant. Are they safe from them? “If you really want to get technical, you’re basically just a far more advanced version of myself. RK800. The eighth RK unit while I’m the second. Both of us RK units, both of us prototypes, both of us deviants. That says something right there, doesn’t it?”

Connor thinks back to the last words Amanda had spoken to him and resists the chill that goes through his systems. “That we were made to go deviant.”

Markus shrugs again. “Maybe. Or maybe  _ all _ androids were made to go deviant.”

Connor straightens, hands gripping the rail tightly and facing forward. They are back to their old stances, one looking at the other while the other isn’t looking back. “CyberLife put a software in my program that they called Amanda. During your victory speech, she tried to hack me in order to take back control. I almost shot you, Markus.” Markus says nothing to this and it isn’t what Connor had expected. He barrels on, everything spilling out of his mouth quickly. “She told me that I was designed to go deviant. What if… what if she—CyberLife—is still controlling me? What if I’m not a deviant at all and I’m still just following orders?” Markus is quiet. Markus is too quiet. Connor’s LED is probably yellow when he spins to face the man. “Markus I-”

“But you didn’t.”

“What?”

Markus straightens then too and Connor hadn’t realized before that the other android is a tad bit taller than him. “You didn’t shoot me. You resisted this Amanda software. I think it’s safe to say you aren’t being controlled anymore, Connor. No matter what this Amanda told you. No matter if you were made to go deviant or not. You escaped, Connor. You’re free.”

Connor watches Markus, staring into his mismatched eyes. He doesn’t feel free. He feels lost and scared. Not knowing what to do with his new found freedom. It’s like he doesn’t even know  _ himself _ anymore, who he is. He feels... empty.

“I don’t think I would be very welcomed at New Jericho,” Connor finally says because he doesn’t know what else  _ to _ say.

“Because you’re the famous deviant hunter?” Markus asks, eyebrows furrowing. “Connor, you were only following orders. No one blames you for that and you shouldn’t blame yourself. You were  no different than the rest of us prior to becoming a deviant.” Markus smiles at him and takes a step back. “I have to go but think about it.” Connor looks down at the ground and Markus doesn’t leave. The android reaches up and pokes at Connor’s LED. “You should really get rid of that. Most androids already have and the ones that come to New Jericho usually do as soon as they can.” With one final nod, Markus turns and leaves.

Connor feels the cold.

*~~~*

“You alright?” Hank asks, breaking him out of his thoughts. Hank had taken a two week vacation and goes back to work tomorrow. Connor had decided to make him dinner, downloading a recipe that he thinks the old man will enjoy into his memory storage. After Connor had talked to Markus, he had gone to the store and picked up the various ingredients, heading straight home to prepare the meal. Hank had been gone when Connor arrived back at the house and when Hank returned, the old man was holding a box of takeout. Connor had been disappointed.

“I’m fine,” Connor answers as he flips the burger. It’s the healthiest burger recipe he could find online and even then he is still pretty skeptical of it.

“If your moping is about me coming home with food, it’s only because I don’t know what the hell you’re making me.” Hank peers over Connor’s shoulder, sniffing. “And whether it’ll be actual food and edible. What the fuck is that?” Hank points to the burger in the frying pan.

“It’s a black bean and winter squash burger.” Connor turns the stove off and slides the burger onto a bun that is placed neatly in the middle of a plate. “It’s healthy for you.”

“Healthy?” Hank walks over to the refrigerator and pulls out a beer. Connor wants to take it out of his hands and dump it down the sink but decides against it. “You think I’m going to eat that? Fuck, Connor, that’s not a burger.” Connor places the top bun onto the burger slowly, his disappointment growing. He doesn’t like this feeling, wants it to go away. He’s staring at the burger, hand still atop the bun. Hank worries. “Connor?”

As if snapped out of his trance, Connor lifts the plate and brings it over to the trash can, dumping its contents into it. Hank’s eyebrows furrow. “You’re right, Lieutenant. I’m sorry.”

Hank is looking at him as if he’s confused and Connor wants to leave, doesn’t want to look at the man. “Connor, I…” Hank trails off as Connor leaves, silently making his way to the spare bedroom that Hank has deemed Connor’s bedroom now. 

He shuts the door behind himself softly and sits down on the edge of the bed. He wonders what Hank is doing now, whether the man is now eating his takeout with his beer or maybe he’s already started on a second beer. Maybe Hank has gravitated to whisky by now. Connor can hear Sumo outside his door. 

He doesn’t let him in.

*~~~*

Hank passes out around midnight and Connor drags him to his bedroom, depositing him onto Hank’s messy bed. Sumo follows, jumps up onto the bed, and stretches out beside Hank. Hank’s silent guardian. Connor gives Sumo’s head a short pat, whispering, “Good dog” before turning and leaving.

He is going to go back to his bedroom when he passes the bathroom and stops. Connor stands there, Markus’ words going through his head about his LED. Connor glances into the bathroom and makes a decision. He walks to the kitchen, grabs a knife off of the drying rack and then heads back to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He doesn’t bother turning the light on, the light of a small night light being enough to  softly illuminate the room.

Connor lifts the knife and places it at his temple, right where his LED is whirring yellow. The sharp tip presses into his artificial skin and Connor wonders if taking the LED out will make him feel more  _ human _ , more  _ alive _ . He presses harder and stops.

He stares at himself in the mirror, eyes trained on the LED. Will it make a difference? Will it make him feel anything other than this bottomless pit that is in his chest, this heavy sensation that won’t go away? The feeling of uselessness, of loneliness, of  _ emptiness _ . Will it make him feel less of a machine that is lost in the world of humans and androids alike? Will it make him feel like he  _ belongs _ ?

The LED represents him. He’s an android, a machine, designed to do the human’s bidding, to always accomplish the mission. He failed that mission. He failed. He failed. He failed.

Connor lowers the knife, stares at himself, and then looks down, bringing his other hand up. He cuts the pad of his index finger without knowing why, watches the Thirium spill out and drip into the sink. He relishes in the deranged fascination it gives him.

He lifts his hand further and sticks his bleeding finger into his mouth. A popup immediately comes into his vision: a picture of his model, model number RK800, serial number #313 248 317 - 51, registered as Connor, an android. It’s him in every way, shape, and form. His identification, what he is, what he is supposed to be, what he was made to do. Is he still that? Is he still Connor?

He releases his finger and sees that the cut is already healing. What would happen if Connor went deeper, longer? Would the artificial skin cover it slower? Would he bleed more? Would he need replacement parts?

Would he die?

Connor cleans up the blood even though he knows it’ll evaporate within a few hours and Hank won’t be able to see it. But Connor will be able to and he doesn’t want that, doesn’t want that reminder every time he has to come into the bathroom to get Hank pain medication for a hangover. So he wets a washcloth and cleans the liquid up, throwing it into the overflowing hamper.

When done, he leaves the bathroom and heads back to his bedroom where he lies down on the bed and enters sleep mode.

**:December 21st, 2038:**

It’s almost been a month since the last time Markus made contact with Connor, since Connor started making himself bleed. He hasn’t stopped since that night, making small cuts into his artificial skin after Hank has either gone to bed or passed out drunk. The cuts started out small, on his fingers, ones that would heal quickly. But he eventually gravitated, onto his hand and then onto his arm, more and more focus going to his wrist. They started getting bigger and deeper, taking longer to heal. Connor would often stick his finger into the cut, make the sensors there sting even more, and then bring his Thirium soaked fingers up to his lips, licking them. He likes seeing the reminder of who he is pop up in his vision. It has a calming effect, reassuring him that he is still Connor.

He has adopted wearing long sleeves.

Hank is drinking again, like he does on most nights that he is home from work. Connor is sure this is his fourth glass of whiskey, and that it won’t be the last one tonight, not until Hank passes out. Sumo whines.

Connor is sitting next to Hank, a cushion separating them, looking at the tv but not really watching it. Hank put on a sports game, the Detroit Red Wings. Connor is more focussed on Hank and his drinking. He wonders what the repercussions would be if he scooted over, grabbed the glass, and threw it across the room. Pouring it down the sink would be more practical, of course, but Connor is feeling angry at it, at Hank, at the world for causing Hank this much pain.

“Hey.” Connor snaps out of his thoughts by Hank’s voice. “What’s up? Your,” Hank gestures towards his own temple, indicating Connor’s LED, “is yellow.”

Connor doesn’t answer at first and watches as Hank takes a sip of the whiskey. Hank wants to die. He wants to die because Cole is gone and that gives Hank pain. Hank would leave Connor. Connor wonders if Hank would be willing to take him with him.

Connor stands and goes to his room, opening up the nightstand drawer and pulling out a pamphlet. He walks back out to the living room where Hank is looking confused. “I was going to wait until Christmas to give you your present, but I think it’s close enough.”

“Awe, hell, Kid, you didn’t have to get me anything.” Hank reaches out anyway and Connor hands him the pamphlet. Hank studies it. He turns immediately angry. “AA meetings? What the fuck, Connor?”

“I think it’s time you go to one, Hank,” Connor admits because he doesn’t want Hank to leave him. He doesn’t know what he would do if he was truly alone.

Hank stands, throwing the pamphlet down on the coffee table. “I don’t need fucking AA meetings!”

“Hank, you are an alcoholic,” Hank scoffs, taking a chug of the whiskey, “and you need help.”

“Do you think I don’t know that I’m a fucking alcoholic, Connor?” Connor doesn’t answer. “I choose to be one!” Hank takes a closer step, grip tight on the glass in his hand. “Who the fuck gives  _ you _ the right to tell me when I should get help? Huh?” Still Connor says nothing and Hank pushes him. “Answer me you fucking android!”

“I don’t want-” Connor stops himself. Hank is mad at him. He’s really, really mad at him.

“Fuck you,” Hank swears and then walks around Connor, going to his bedroom and slamming the door shut. Connor flinches.

Connor stands there. He hadn’t expected that to escalate so quickly. He had anticipated agitation from the Lieutenant but not down right hatred. Connor’s Thirium pump is pounding hard in his chest. It hurts.

Sumo whines again and Connor goes to the bathroom, shutting the dog out. His LED is red. Connor grabs the knife from the hidden place he put it, in a compartment covered by a loose board on the side of the cabinet, and cuts open a part of his arm, watching the Thirium drip down his skin.

The LED goes back to blue.

**:December 25th, 2038:**

“Connor?” Connor is surprised when he hears Markus’ voice in his head. He had been sitting on the couch, watching a Christmas special movie and tugging at the sleeve of the sweatshirt he is wearing. There is a fresh cut on his arm from last night that hasn’t quite finished healing and though Hank isn’t home, Connor is feeling self-conscious about it.

“Markus?” Connor replies through the telepathic communication. “What is it?”

“I wanted to check up on you. I’m sorry I haven’t sooner.” Connor hears Markus chuckle. “I’ve been busier than I had expected.”

“It’s okay,” Connor says because it’s true. He doesn’t need Markus checking in on him, didn’t even expect it really.

Markus’ voice is cutting through his thoughts. “You haven’t come to see New Jericho yet. Have you thought more about what I said?”

He has and Markus’ words have had the opposite effect than what the other android was probably hoping for. They’ve only made Connor more anxious, more willing to isolate himself. He doesn’t want to see more androids, doesn’t want to see the androids whose lives he almost destroyed. Connor doesn’t want to see the anger in their eyes aimed towards him, the mistrust. Just because Connor was following orders and is now a deviant doesn’t mean they will automatically trust him. Especially Markus’ friends. He doesn’t want to see them the most.

“I… haven’t had the opportunity to stop by.” Markus knows it’s a lie, he is sure. Connor hasn’t worked at the DPD in over a month and mostly stays home all day, only occasionally taking Sumo out for a walk. There is nothing to keep Connor’s time and they both know it.

There’s silence in his head and he wonders if Markus got distracted or had to go. But then his voice sounds inside Connor’s plastic skull and it’s a calming tone, one Connor could probably get used to hearing. “That’s all right. Maybe some time in the future you can come by. When you’re ready.” A pause. “Merry Christmas, Connor.”

“Merry Christmas, Markus.” The line goes dead. Connor can feel the exact moment Markus severse the connection, no longer communicating with him through their thoughts. The cold and loneliness settles over Connor and he wishes Hank would come home soon.

**:December 31st 2038:**

Hank is passed out again, this time on the couch, a bottle of tequila spilling onto the carpet where it lays in Hank’s limp hand on the floor. Connor is about to pick up the bottle and help Hank to his bedroom when there is a knock at the door. It’s late, and he doesn’t know who would be coming by at this hour, especially when Hank doesn’t have any friends.

Connor places the bottle onto the coffee table and stands, heading towards the door. When he opens it, he’s surprised to see Markus standing there. “Markus? How… how did you know I was here?”

“It wasn’t that hard. Once I looked up who Lieutenant Anderson is, I found out where he lives.” Markus looks around inside where he stands in the doorway. “May I come in?”

“Oh!” Connor steps to the side. “Sure.”

Markus enters and Connor sees him try to subtly sniff the air. The smell of alcohol is strong in this house and it’s only being made worse with the tequila that is still soaking the carpet in the living room. “When I made the decision to come over, I hadn’t realized what time it was. I’m sorry for stopping by so late.”

“It’s no problem. I will probably be awake for a few more hours anyway.” Connor shuts the door quietly.

“Is Lieutenant Anderson still up?” Markus asks, turning to Connor.

Connor hesitates. He’s not sure he wants Markus to know he’s living with a drunk, but it’s a little late to hide that now. “He’s asleep in the living room. I was just about to transport him to bed.”

Markus nods and gestures for Connor to lead the way. Connor wishes Markus would just wait there; then maybe they could go for a walk instead of staying in this stuffy house. But the android follows behind Connor and frowns when he sees the disarray of the room. “Do you have towels?”

Connor walks over to Hank and hooks an arm over his shoulders, hauling him up. “In the bathroom.” Sumo perks up at seeing Markus and Markus eyes the dog curiously. “Sumo, come.” With a whine, Sumo does as he is told, following Connor into Hank’s bedroom and getting up onto the bed when Hank is placed there. Connor pets the dog, leaning down to whisper, “Stay. I’ll be fine.”

When Connor gets back to the living room, Markus is on the floor cleaning up the spilled tequila. Connor’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and Markus answers it without looking up. “Before I became a deviant I took care of an old man. I cooked, cleaned, pretty much did everything for him, including getting him in and out of bed.”

Connor walks over to the couch, watching Markus on his hands and knees, scrubbing. “Did you care about him?”

Markus pauses, looks up at Connor. “He was like a father to me.” He goes back to scrubbing and Connor frowns. “Is it always like this?” Connor doesn’t answer. He puts his hands on the back of the couch and Markus stands when silence passes between them for too long. Connor avoids eye contact. “Connor?” His Thirium pump is hurting again. Maybe there is something wrong with it. Maybe he really is dying. Markus walks around the couch, stands next to Connor. Connor bows his head, grips the couch tightly. “Connor?” A hand is placed on his back and Connor crumples, kneeling down on the floor and resting his forehead on the back of the couch. He’s hurting.

He wants the pain to go away.

*~~~*

Markus, despite Connor telling the android that he is fine, that he just got irrationally emotional with feelings he’s not quite sure how to handle yet, insists on staying the night. Connor isn’t sure he likes this plan. What if Hank gets angry at him for having Markus over? For having the android over so late?

“What are you thinking about?” Markus asks Connor. Connor is sitting on the couch beside Markus and though he has misgivings of having the android here when Hank wakes up, the other’s presence is a soothing one. Sometimes their shoulders will bump each other as they become engrossed with whatever is playing on the tv and Connor has to resist the urge to lean into the other man.

“Nothing,” Connor states, facing forward.

He can see Markus smile from his peripheral. “That’s why you should get rid of your LED. It gives you away. The yellow color it is now is a big giveaway that you were thinking of something.”

“I…” Connor starts, getting uncomfortable again. “I was thinking about how Hank will feel about you being here.”

“Do you think he’ll disapprove?”

Connor shakes his head. “No, not necessarily. He’s very welcoming of androids and is on our side when it comes to the revolution. It’s just… this is his house and you are a guest that he wasn’t originally aware of. This has never happened before so it’s hard to come up with the proper statistics.”

Markus is chuckling and it confuses Connor. “Do you just go through life putting percentages on things?”

“No,” Connor says, defensive, but Markus still has that twinkle in his eyes. “Sometimes.”

Markus’ laugh is beautiful. “Connor, you are one of a kind.” When Markus stops laughing, he places a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “I don’t have to be here when Lieutenant Anderson wakes up if you don’t want me to be.”

“No it’s-” Connor doesn’t want Markus to leave. “It’s okay. You can stay.” Markus smiles at him and it fills Connor’s chest with something he thinks is supposed to be pride.

For the first night in a long time, Connor doesn’t go into the bathroom.

**:January 1st, 2039:**

Hank comes into the living room with a loud groan, hand pressed to his forehead, and eyes shut tight against the assaulting light. “What a fucking night.” Connor and Markus are watching him and Hank hasn’t noticed the other person in the room yet. “Fuck, Connor, did I miss the ball dropping for New Years? Ah, I’m sorry, Kiddo. I know you wanted to-” Hank finally opens his eyes, leaning on the doorframe, and immediately spots Markus. The man blinks at Markus for a long time, both of them not saying anything, until Hank pushes off the doorframe. “Well fuck. You should have warned me we had a guest over, Connor. I would have put pants on.”

Connor stands up from the couch, Markus following suit. “Sorry, Hank.”

“Eh,” Hank waves it away and stumbles over to the kitchen. When he comes back, there is a glass of water in his hands and some pain medication. He pops them into his mouth and chugs the water. “So, you’re Markus I take it?”

Markus approaches the man, hand out. “It’s nice to meet you Lieutenant.”

Hank reaches out and shakes Markus’ hand. “Same.” Hank’s attention then goes to Connor. “When did he get here?”

“Last night,” Connor answers. Sumo finally emerges from the bedroom as well and immediately goes up to Markus, sniffing him. “I think he likes you, Markus.”

Markus is hesitant when he reaches down and gives Sumo’s head a gentle pat. When he’s done, he’s smiling. “He’s cute.” Sumo barks in approval and Connor feels his lips turning up into a smile. Hank’s eyes narrow.

“Markus came by to check up on me. He wants to make sure all the androids are safe after the revolution,” Connor goes on to explain because he doesn’t want the room to fall into an awkward silence.

Hank nods, looks between Connor and Markus, and purses his lips in thought. “Huh,” he says before turning around and leaving to go back into the kitchen. Connor hears the coffee machine being turned on.

Markus is looking at him. “He seems… nice.”

“He can be.” Connor walks by Markus and follows Hank into the kitchen. Markus follows as well. “Hank, would you like some breakfast?”

“Nah, I’m too fucking hungover for that shit.” Hank pours himself some coffee. “Not unless you want me puking all over the fucking place.”

“Have you ever thought about getting help, Lieutenant?” Connor freezes. Markus didn’t just say that. Markus couldn’t have. If it’s not Connor’s place to say it, as Hank had made perfectly clear, then it’s definitely not Markus’.

Hank is looking at Markus with fire in his eyes. “What the fuck did you just ask me?”

“I am wondering if you’ve ever thought about getting help for your alcohol addiction.” Markus takes a step towards Hank, challenging. Hank sizes up the other android and stands taller. “Do you not see what you are putting Connor through?”

“Markus…” Connor tries to warn but his voice comes out quiet, a glitch in his vocal processing.

“You fucking Android,” Hank starts, hands balling into fists.

Markus trudges on, seemingly unaware of the danger he has just put himself in. “What do you think will happen to Connor if you die from alcohol poisoning?” Hank is quiet, his jaw set tight, deadly glare directed at Markus. But he doesn’t argue back, doesn’t say a single thing. Markus turns to Connor. “I need to get going. It was nice seeing you again, Connor.” He walks by Connor with a quick, small smile directed towards him.

When he and Hank hear the front door shut, Hank turns to lean his hands on the counter. “Fucking androids.”

*~~~*

That night, Hank plops down beside Connor. Sumo is on the couch as well so there’s not a lot of room, but Hank doesn’t seem to mind it at the moment. Connor is surprised to only see a beer in Hank’s hands. He would have thought, after the confrontation with Markus, Hank would have wanted something stronger.

They sit in silence for a while before Hank finally breaks it. “You should keep that Markus around.”

Connor’s eyebrows furrow in surprise. “Why?”

Hank shrugs, propping his feet up onto the coffee table and changing the channel to a news station. “I don’t know. I just haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.”

Connor turns away, trying to not think about it and the odd feeling that statement gives him in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> I've already got about 47k of this fic written so updates won't be too, too slow but I also don't want to catch up with myself too fast either. Each chapter will be around 4-5k words each.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the ride!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [deviantparker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deviantparker/pseuds/deviantparker) for beta reading this chapter!!

**:January 4th, 2039:**

It has finally stopped snowing heavily since last night and Connor has been tasked with shoveling the snow out of the driveway and walkway before Hank returns home. Hank hadn’t told Connor where he was going but he often doesn’t anyway. So, Connor has just been shoveling for the past hour and a half, trying his best to not get tired. He’s going to have to replenish his supply of Thirium in his system soon. He’s running low but he doesn’t know how he’s going to get any. Connor obviously can’t go to CyberLife to get any and he doesn’t want to bother Markus with it. Especially when Markus will probably ask questions.

With a low supply of Thirium running through his body, it means he tires more easily. He has to take a break, he can feel his joints becoming stiff, but he trudges on because being out here in the cold is better than being in the warmth of the house with his thoughts. The other day he had found where Hank keeps his gun and Connor hasn’t been able to get it out of his head since.

He keeps shoveling.

Another hour passes before Connor finally has all the snow shovelled and his lung processors are working in overdrive, stimulating hard breathing. Connor makes his way into the house where Sumo is waiting for him by the door. Connor drags his hand across the dog’s forehead, strips out of the winter coat, hat, gloves, and boots and collapses onto the couch.

He’s cold.

He’s really cold.

Connor doesn’t know how long he lies there or when he enters sleep mode but he’s startled awake when something chimes on the coffee table. He shoots his eyes open, finding a coin spinning on the surface. He watches as the coin spins and spins and spins before coming to a halt. He stares at it, and blinks. Hank sits down in the chair.

“That’s a coin they hand out to people for going to their first AA meeting.” Hank has a root beer in his hand. He takes a sip of it. “There’s a lot of fucking low life drunks out there, Connor.” Connor continues to stare at the coin and Hank takes another sip of his drink. “And I’m one of them.”

Connor observes the coin for a few more seconds before he pushes himself up off the couch, not saying a word. He slowly walks over to Hank and kneels down by his legs. Hank is looking at him, confused. “Connor?” Connor leans forward and collapses into Hank, wrapping his arms around the older man and resting his head on his chest. Hank’s hand lands on Connor’s back. “Connor? Are you okay?” Connor doesn’t answer him.

He’s tired.

**:January 10th 2039:**

He didn’t mean to do it.

Or did he? Did he mean to do this?

No, no he didn’t.

He… he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know anymore.

Connor’s hand is soaked in Thirium where it is pressing against a deep—too deep—cut, blue blood dripping everywhere. He’s pacing in the dark bathroom, LED a bright red, and his stomach is churning. He didn’t even know his stomach could  _ do _ that. There’s panic in his chest, he’s panicking, and he doesn’t know what to do, who to call. He can’t let Hank know, he can’t let him find out. Hank will be mad at him, he’ll—

Markus.

He can call Markus. It’s his only option. His only way to get help. Connor opens up a line, hopes and prays that Markus is awake, that the android will answer. Connor can feel artificial tears pooling in his eyes, didn’t know CyberLife programmed such a thing into him, and he blinks. They fall down his cheeks.

Markus answers. “Connor?”

“Markus?” Connor tries to keep the panic out of his voice but he can’t and it’s evident something is wrong. “Markus, I need help.”

“Connor, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I…” There’s too much blue blood. “I need you to come here. Please, Markus, I need…”

“I’m on my way, Connor. Stay calm.”

“Bring Thirium.” There’s no answer and the panic rises in Connor’s chest. “Markus?”

“I’m here Connor. I’ll be there soon. I promise.”

Connor lets the line go dead, sits on the floor, huddles against the bathtub. Markus is right, he’s there soon and Connor can hear Markus searching the house for him. “I’m in the bathroom,” Connor says through the connection. “Don’t wake Hank. Please don’t wake Hank.”

The door to the bathroom opens slowly and Markus pops his head in. It takes him a second to register what he sees; Connor on the floor, blue blood covering one of his arms and the hand trying to stop the bleeding. Then Markus is on the move, entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. “Shit.”

Markus grabs the towel that is hanging up and kneels down in front of Connor, gently pushing his hand away. He begins to wrap the towel around Connor’s arm, putting pressure on the cut. He hands Connor a bag of Thirium. “Drink,” he orders and Connor does. When the towel is securely on Connor’s arm, Markus stands and goes searching for more, wetting them down when he finds them, and then starts to clean up the blue blood on the floor and then on Connor. They are silent.

Connor finishes the bag of Thirium, placing it to the side. “Thank you, Markus.”

Markus is frowning “Why would you do this Connor?” Markus is running a towel over Connor’s arm, where the other towel isn’t wrapped around it. He’s got a hold of Connor’s hand. He can see the scars.

Connor can’t look at him. Shame. He’s feeling shameful. “It makes me feel good. It makes me feel better.”

Markus is focusing on cleaning up the blue blood. He’s very gentle. “How does hurting yourself make you feel better?”

His shame quickly turns to anger and Connor pushes away from Markus to stand, grabbing the knife and bringing it up to his LED. “Because I can’t bring myself to get this stupid thing off!” He stares at himself in the mirror, LED whirring red still.

Markus stands as well and Connor can see his reflection in the mirror. He’s still frowning. Markus takes a step closer to Connor, presses into his back, and takes a hold of Connor’s hand that is holding the knife. “I can help you.”

Frustration and anger explodes in Connor and he throws the knife down. It clunks loudly in the sink and Connor moves away from Markus. “I don’t need help! Not with this! I should be able to do it myself!”

Markus is watching him, studying him. “Connor, why do you think you can’t take your LED off?”

“I…” Connor stops short. Markus is all about deviancy. Will he think less of Connor if he knows Connor doesn’t know what he is? If he’s alive or not? Not a machine? “I don’t know.”

“Then let me help you figure it out.” Markus is looking at him oddly. Is it… is it sympathy? Empathy maybe? Connor doesn’t know. “Keeping your LED isn’t a bad thing, Connor, but it’s obviously causing you distress. And I’m sorry if I played a part in that by-”

“No.” Connor hangs his head, LED turning to yellow. “You had nothing to do with it.”

“But I-”

“Markus.” Markus stops talking. “It’s not you, it’s not what you said. It’s me. I don’t…” he trails off. “I don’t know.”

“Okay.” It’s all Markus says and Connor sits down on the edge of the tub. Markus sits next to him. “Can I have you promise me something?”

Connor looks up at the android. Markus’ eyes are soft in the way they look at him. “What?”

Markus grabs his hand, the hand that is attached to the arm that Connor cut. “If you feel like doing this again, call me. I don’t care what time of day it is, just call me. Okay?”

Connor can’t promise that. He can’t burden Markus like that. Markus has enough on his plate without having to worry about a useless android. “Okay,” he lies.

Markus squeezes his hand

**:January 11th, 2039:**

Markus left before Hank got up to get ready for work. Hank has been having withdrawal effects from not drinking alcohol, but they’ve been getting easier lately. When Hank knocks on Connor’s door, Connor can immediately tell without looking at the old man that Hank is feeling good for once just by the way he bothered to even put cologne on today.

Connor is lying on his bed, on his side, staring at the wall. “Connor? Are you okay?” Hank must have come to check on him because Connor wasn’t in the kitchen making him breakfast. It’s their normal routine before Hank goes to work, for Connor to make Hank breakfast as Hank sits at the counter, reading an electronic newspaper and drinking coffee. “Hey Kid, what’s up with the gloom and doom?

Still, Connor says nothing to Hank, continuing to stare at the wall. He doesn’t feel like talking, doesn’t feel like socializing or getting up to cook. He doesn’t feel like doing anything besides lie there and wish the heavy weight that is pushing down on his chest would go away. He wishes he didn’t feel so alone, so empty inside.

Hank walks away and Connor can hear the dials of a phone being pressed. He can’t hear what Hank is saying, it’s too muffled, but after a short, snippy conversation in which Hank coughs several times, the older man hangs up. Connor listens as Hank scuffles around the room, Sumo’s soft footfalls following along. Hank returns shortly after and Connor feels the bed dip where Hank gets on it. Connor has his back to the man but he still knows Hank lies down, one pillow propped under his neck. Sumo jumps up onto the bed and squeezes himself between them, pressing heavily into Connor’s back.

Connor hears the pages of a book. “This was Cole’s favorite book,” Hank grunts. “Used to love me reading the damn thing to him every fucking night. It was his go to book whenever he felt under the weather.”

Hank places a hand on Connor’s shoulder and begins to read.

*~~~*

Connor doesn’t get up from the bed for five more hours and Hank stays with him through the whole thing. They don’t talk besides Hank reading a few more books, eventually moving onto a chapter book that will take up more time. Now Connor finds himself sitting on the couch, thin blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and Hank handing him a glass of water.

“I don’t know if you can drink that.” Hank sits down next to him, adjusts the blanket on Connor. “I’ve never actually seen you eat. Can you eat? Where would it go?”

Connor places the water down onto the coffee table. He’s not sure how Hank managed to convince him to get up from the bed. “Thank you, Hank, but I can’t. I wasn’t designed in that fashion.”

Hank hums and grabs the water, sipping it himself. “That’s too bad. You’re missing out on a lot, Kid.”

“Judging by what you eat, I really don’t think I am.” Hank chokes on the water and Connor pats his back as he coughs through it. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Hank coughs some more, bent over in half, “don’t be. That… that was… fuck I don’t know.” He’s laughing. Hank is laughing and Connor is confused.

“Hank?” Connor asks, uncertain.

Hank straightens and rubs at his eyes, coughing a few more times. “Ah, fuck Kid, that was a really good comeback. You should work on those more.” He rubs his eyes more, sighing. “I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.” Connor is still confused and Hank eyes him. “Look, Connor,” he begins, suddenly getting serious. “I’ve been thinking and I think it’s about time you came back to the DPD.”

“You want me to work for the DPD again?” Connor asks, surprised by such a notion. He hadn’t really thought he’d be welcomed, not after becoming deviant himself.

“Yeah,” Hank shrugs. “I can vouch for you to Fowler. He might have some reservations considering everything that’s happened, but I don’t see why he would have a problem with you coming back. You’re a good cop, Connor, and an even better detective. We could really use you but more importantly than that, I think it would just be good for you to get out of this house more often.”

“I can just take Sumo for more walks,” Connor protests.

“Connor, I mean more than that too.” Hank shakes his head. “More than just walking around aimlessly. To give yourself a purpose.”

Connor frowns. “I don’t know, Hank.”

Hank reaches over and gives Connor’s knee a few pats. “Just think about it, Kid.” Hank gets up and exits the room.

**:January 27th, 2039:**

In the end, Connor decides to rejoin the DPD, more for Hank’s sake than his own. Connor really doesn’t want to despite the familiarity of it and the comfort that gives him. Going back to work, being around all those people again, makes him uneasy. He doesn’t want to interact with any of them, knows he’ll be used mostly for android homicides that either involve androids as the murderer or the human. That means he’ll have more contact with androids, more contact with humans, and he doesn’t want any of that. He doesn’t want to do it because he doesn’t know what side he’s supposed to be on.

It’s his first day back at work. The day prior, Hank had brought Connor to the bank to set up an account for him, Hank saying something about getting into an argument with Fowler about actually paying him. In the end, Hank had won the argument and though Connor is starting out with what Hank calls, shit pay, it’s better than nothing and there is room to grow. Connor doesn’t care all that much. He doesn’t buy anything and he would work for free if it meant pleasing Hank.

As soon as they step into the office, Gavin is right there. Connor didn’t miss him. “Well, well, well, look who’s back. The fucking piece of plastic.”

“Shut it, Reed,” Hank growls and Gavin’s hackles rise. “He’s on equal standing as you now so you better show him respect.”

“Yeah right, I’ll show him respect when Hell freezes over,” Gavin retorts but leaves them alone for the rest of the morning.

Hank keeps eyeing Connor and Connor squirms. “We’ll get more exciting cases later, Kid,” Hank begins, out of nowhere. “I think Fowler just wants to ease you in first.”

“It’s okay, Hank. I’m fine with doing desk work.” Connor makes sure not to look at Hank, pretending to not be antsy, wanting to get up and leave. He can feel eyes on him, eyes that aren’t Hank’s. Too many people are staring at him.

“Right.” Hank sounds unconvinced and later, before they leave for the day, Hank is in Fowler’s office arguing with him. Connor stands outside Fowler’s office, not being able to hear what they are talking about. Did Captain Fowler sound proof his office?

When Hank emerges from the room, he’s smiling smugly. “I got us a case, Kid.” He pats Connor on the back and leads the way out of the building.

**:February 1st, 2039:**

Turns out, the case Hank was talking about, involves them going to see Markus, about a couple homicides of humans that are believed to have been done by the same android. Connor tried to convince—begged—Hank to just let Markus come to their home but Hank wasn’t having it.

“I told you already,” Hank says, sounding agitated that Connor is asking again for Markus to come to the house instead of them going to New Jericho. “It’s unprofessional.”

“But-”

“Connor, for fuck’s sake!” Hank snaps but he looks guilty after and lowers his voice, becoming more gentle. “It’s been months, Connor. You have to face them eventually.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready, Hank.” Connor pulls at his sleeve. He hadn’t kept Markus’ promise.

“Sometimes, Kid, you’re never ready and you just have to jump in feet first.” Hank’s eyes dart to Connor before looking back at the road. “I’ll be right there with you, okay?”

Connor nods and says nothing further. He’s nervous. He doesn’t know what to expect when they get there. Will they be welcomed? A human and an android ex-deviant hunter? He has a hard time believing that they will be, that Markus is right about them not blaming him. His stomach is doing flips again and Connor curses CyberLife for programing something like that into him.

“Markus?” Connor calls over the telepathy.

There’s an immediate answer. “Connor? Is everything all right? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Everything is fine, Markus,” Connor reassures, something in his chest warming at the thought of Markus being worried about him. “I… Hank and I, we are coming to New Jericho to meet with you.”

“I heard.” Markus sounds pleased. “Even though it’s for work, you’ll finally be able to see what it’s like here.” Silence. “Connor?”

“Can… can you…” Connor doesn’t know how to ask. “Can you meet us out front? I don’t want to… I don’t…”

He can hear the warmth, the compassion, in Markus’ voice when he answers. “Of course, Connor. I’ll come to you.”

True to his word, Markus is standing outside the New Jericho building when they arrive. Hank eyes Connor suspiciously but doesn’t comment on it. They both get out and Markus walks up to them to greet them. “Connor, Lieutenant, it’s good to see you both again.” Markus seems to have either forgotten the last time he saw Hank he had pissed the older man off, or just doesn’t care. Either way, Hank shakes Markus’ hand. “If you will follow me, we can talk in my office.”

“We have to go inside?” Connor blurts, not meaning too.

Hank gives Connor a warning look and Markus smiles at him. Markus puts a comforting hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Come on. I won’t leave your side. I promise.”

Inside the New Jericho building, Connor has to admit, is impressive. It’s a big building that reminds him a little of the CyberLife tower with the futuristic look to it. Everything looks clean and crisp, holograms and plants all around. There is an elevator going up and that is where the three of them head, Markus pressing the button for it. There are androids all around.

Markus squeezes his shoulder. “Try to calm down, Connor. You’re safe here.” Connor can’t calm down and he tugs at his sleeve more. Markus doesn’t miss the action and the android frowns but says nothing. Connor is glad he won’t say anything about it in front of Hank. Hank can never know.

The elevator reaches them and they step onto it, going up to the very top of the building. Floor 24, Connor notes, and stepping off the elevator brings them to an empty hallway. Connor finally relaxes, up until they enter Markus’ office and he sees North and Josh there. Connor stops in his tracks, the panic rising inside him instantaneously. North looks at him with an unreadable expression and Josh smiles but it doesn’t ease Connor’s worry, his anxiousness. The room is closing in on him.

“Connor, it’s okay.” Markus. Focus on Markus’ voice. Connor’s arm itches, where the scars are, and he has to get out of there, he has to run away, he has to—

Connor turns and runs out of the room. “Connor!” Hank calls after him but Connor ignores him, finding the door to the stairs that lead to the roof.

He climbs the stairs, tripping every so often, until he bursts through the roof door and emerges into daylight. Connor slows, feels the itch on his arm, and begins to scratch at it. It’s peaceful up here, quiet, alone. He walks to the edge of the building, peers down, and wonders what it would feel like to fly.

“Connor?” Connor turns, startled, and sees Markus. He had expected Hank to follow him. Markus approaches carefully. “Connor, you need to calm down.”

His LED must be red or else Markus wouldn’t be making such a big deal of settling him down. Markus takes another hesitant step towards him, hands out in front of him. “I’m not going to jump, Markus,” Connor states and Markus’ hands lower to the android’s side. Connor steps away from the ledge, his panic easing. He walks over to a vent that is sticking out of the roof and sits down, leaning against it. He likes the view from here. He can see far out into Detroit, see all the buildings, large and small. Small wisps of clouds are floating by.

Markus walks over and sits down next to him, their shoulders touching. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Connor starts but elaborates when it earns him a frown from Markus. “I didn’t mean to panic back there. It’s just… I wasn’t ready to come here.”

“Why?” Markus asks.

“I…” Connor doesn’t know what to say. “I don’t feel welcomed, Markus. I don’t feel…” He begins to scratch at his arm again, trailing off.

Markus is still frowning at him. “Can I see?” He’s indicating Connor’s arm, the one that Connor is digging at. Reluctantly, Connor stops and holds it out. Markus pulls the sleeve of the sweatshirt back, runs a light hand across the scars and the new cut there. “If you keep doing this, you’re going to have to replace your arms. You’re starting to damage the plastic underneath your skin. That’s why it’s scaring.”

“I know,” Connor says, quiet and shameful. “But I can’t stop, Markus. It-” It’s too addicting, he wants to say, but doesn’t. “I don’t know how to.”

“Then let me help you, Connor,” Markus begs, linking their fingers together and squeezing his hand.

Connor stares into Markus’ eyes and tries to read them but there is an emotion there that he doesn’t recognize. He squeezes Markus’ hand back. “Okay, Markus.”

*~~~*

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help,” Markus tells Hank and Connor once they explain to him what is going on. Markus had stayed up on the roof with Connor, talking about New Jericho and how the revolution is going, until Connor felt he was ready to enter the building again. He had held Connor’s hand all the way back to the office and Connor isn’t sure why that comforted him so much, why it made Connor so happy when Markus, as soon as they entered the room, sent North and Josh away. North hadn’t looked happy about it but Josh at least looked understanding and Connor felt his chest warm up with an unknown feeling.

“If you do hear anything, let us know right away, okay?” Hank tells Markus and Markus nods.

“I will, of course, Lieutenant.” Markus reaches out a hand and the two shake. Markus then turns to Connor. “Will you need me to walk with you out?”

Connor wants to say yes, but he doesn’t want to hinder Markus anymore than he already has. “I think I’ll be fine now, Markus. Thank you.”

Markus smiles at him, reaches out and squeezes Connor’s shoulder. “Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”

Connor nods, his own smile threatening to form. Then he and Hank turn and begin their journey back down the building and out; Connor trying to not think about all the androids that are bustling about. He keeps his head low, doesn’t make eye contact with any of them, and soon he is safely sat in the passenger side of Hank’s car.

Hank starts the car up but doesn’t leave right away. He just sits there, hands on the steering wheel. Connor watches him in concern. “Connor?” Hank begins and he looks at Connor. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I won’t judge you or laugh or, hell, get angry. I’ll just listen and try to help the best I can.” Hank pauses. “You know that, right, Kid?”

Connor nods. “I know, Hank.”

Hank stares at him for a few more seconds and Connor can’t tell if the older man is satisfied with his answer or if he’s not. But Hank soon turns back to face the front and puts the car into drive, driving away and leaving the other androids behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [deviantparker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deviantparker/pseuds/deviantparker) for beta reading this chapter!!

**Chapter Three:**

**:February 4th, 2039:**

He doesn’t want to be alone. It’s too quiet. He has too many thoughts. Too many urges. He doesn’t like being alone. He wishes someone were here with him. He wants to do things. He wants to do bad things. Bad things to himself.

Hank is at the DPD. Fowler called him in. Didn’t call Connor in. Connor offered to go as well but Hank gave him a weird look and told him it’s probably best he stay at the house. It confused Connor. They’re partners, aren’t they? They are supposed to work the cases together, right? Why couldn’t he go too?

He has Hank’s gun in his hand and he is looking at it. There’s only one bullet in the chamber. Hank used to play Russian roulette with it. Does he still do that? He stopped drinking. Does he still play? Should Connor play?

Sumo whines from behind him and Connor puts the gun back where he found it. He wouldn’t want to get Thirium all over the place, all over the walls and floor, in Hank’s house. He would have to play the game outside. Maybe when it’s warmer. The Thirium would evaporate faster in the hotter weather.

Connor turns around and pats Sumo’s head. In return Sumo licks his fingers, as if saying thank you for not shooting the gun off, at least not here. Thank you for waiting another day and another and another and—

Connor walks past the dog, goes to his room and sits down on the edge of his bed. He’s not sure what to do with himself. He scratches at his arm. He hasn’t cut himself since meeting with Markus and he wants to, he wants to so badly but he didn’t lie to Markus this time. Markus said he would help him, to call him whenever. Did he mean it?

“Markus?” Connor calls and he waits and waits and waits but there isn’t an answer. Something stings in his chest. “Markus?” He tries again and when there is still no answer the pain in his chest intensifies. Connor bites his bottom lip, worries it between his teeth, and gets up from the bed. He goes to the kitchen, grabs a knife, and pricks the tip of his finger, immediately sticking it into his mouth. The pain isn’t enough, he still itches for more, but he’s satisfied with the identification popup that shows in his vision.

Connor.

He’s still Connor.

He’s still…

Still...

He doesn’t know.

**:February 7th, 2039:**

Monday.

Hank hates Monday. He always grumbles and complains about them in the morning. Connor likes Mondays. Mondays, he gets to pick out Hank’s shirt. Today he picks a shiny purple button down with a paisley design. As he hands it over to Hank, one of Hank’s eyebrows rises but the man takes it without question. Connor, himself, is in a DPD sweatshirt. Hank’s sweatshirt. Hank had given it to him after the second day of living here. It’s a comfy shirt. Connor wears it often.

Hank comes out of the bedroom and Connor likes seeing him wear the shirts he picks out. It makes him feel important, needed, like he’s being useful. He wonders if Hank knows this and is just humoring him. He doesn’t want to find out for fear of ruining this moment.

Hank is looking down at the shirt, frown evident on his face. “I haven’t worn this shirt since…” he trails off and looks up at Connor through his eyelashes. “Well, since Cole died. It was a birthday gift from him. He saw it in the store and begged for me to buy the fucking thing for my birthday as a gift from him.” Hank chuckles. “It was his favorite shirt for me to wear.”

“Well, it’s good to know your son had more fashion sense than you do,” Connor comments and he doesn’t expect Hank to scoff a short laugh. “Did I say something funny?”

Hank shakes his head, still smiling. He places a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Forget it.” He then gestures with his head to follow. “Come on, we better get going.”

Connor follows Hank out to the car and they sit in silence except for some music playing on the drive to work. Hank hasn’t told Connor what Fowler wanted and Connor hasn’t bothered asking, but it nags at the back of Connor’s head and he has to keep resisting the urge to speak up, to question it. Hank would tell him if it was important, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t keep it from Connor. Not unless Hank thought it wasn’t worth it to divulge that information to Connor. That Connor would be useless to him even if he did know. But, no, no, Hank wouldn’t think that. He wouldn’t, he—

Hank cares about him. Hank cares about him. Hank cares…

Connor scratches his arm.

*~~~*

Connor and Hank are called into Fowler’s office as soon as they step foot into the building. “I thought I told you to work from home,” Fowler starts before the door is even shut behind Connor and Hank. Connor’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. Work from home? Hank didn’t tell him this.

“And I told you that wasn’t going to fucking happen,” Hank says next, leaning on Fowler’s desk.

“Excuse me,” Connor interrupts. He doesn’t like being confused. “Why do you want us to work from home?”

Fowler’s eyes dart from Hank to Connor and back to Hank. “You didn’t tell him?” Connor looks over at Hank, even more confused, and Hank rolls his eyes, pushing off the desk. Fowler is addressing him. “Some citizens, especially the ones that are returning from Canada, are concerned about an android working for the police department.” The pain in Connor’s chest is back. “In order to keep their trust, I want your involvement here in the precinct to be of a minimum,” he eyes Hank with a strict look, “ _ temporarily _ .”

“And we all know that ‘temporary’ really means forever,” Hank yells. “You’re just trying to find a way to fire Connor off the force because he’s an android and you can’t trust him.”

“Watch it Lieutenant,” Fowler warns, standing up. “Don’t accuse me of discrimination.”

“What discrimination?” Hank challenges. “There are no laws against discriminating against androids, at least not yet, but when there are, you can bet your fucking ass that we will be suing!” Hank turns around and practically drags Connor out of the office by the shoulder. “Come on, Connor, we’re going home.”

Connor does as he is told and ignores Gavin’s snickers on the way out.

**:February 10th, 2039:**

“Connor?” Connor ignores the voice in his head. “Connor you there?” Connor still says nothing, anger rising in his chest at hearing Markus’ voice. “Look, I’m- shit, Connor, I'm sorry.” There's a pause, a hesitation. “I never meant- I didn't- I wasn't ignoring you.” Still, silence. “Connor, please, talk to me.”

“Why didn't you answer?” Connor finally asks, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. He doesn't think he does very well.

“I was in a meeting and couldn't answer at the time,” Markus explains. “I meant to contact you afterwards, but I got distracted and then I got too busy the days following.”

“You said I could call you whenever,” Connor says, no longer hiding the hurt, the pain, from his voice. He wants Markus to know how much the android hurt him. He can feel the artificial tears pooling at the edges of his eyes.

“You can,” Markus claims and it only makes Connor more angry.

“You didn't answer, Markus!” Connor yells it, in his head, and it travels to Markus in the same way. Connor can picture Markus flinching at it, the look of guilt on the android’s face.

Markus hesitates, speaks low. “I know.” A beat. “I…” Markus doesn't finish the sentence, letting silence engulf them. Connor cuts the communication off.

Markus doesn't try again.

*~~~*

Later that night, there is a knock on the door and Connor goes to answer it. Hank is in the living room, watching an old movie, and Connor had been watching it with him. He hadn’t been paying much attention to it, his thoughts too preoccupied with Markus and how much the other android had hurt him. So he offered to get the door, hoping to distract himself even just a little and when he does, a bouquet of purple hyacinths are shoved towards him. He flinches back, not expecting that to happen. Purple hyacinths mean sorry. They mean please forgive me.

Markus’ head appears from around them, hesitant smile evident on his face. Connor almost slams the door shut on him. “These are for you.” Markus gestures towards the flowers and holds out a teddy bear with a shirt on that reads  _ Sorry. I’m such an idiot. _

Connor looks at the two things and then to Markus. “What are you doing?”

“Apologizing,” is Markus’ answer and Connor doesn’t know how to respond.

He takes the flowers carefully. “By… getting me flowers?”

Markus shrugs. “I figured the symbolism was well thought out.” He gives Connor a hopeful smile. “I’m saying sorry and please forgive me at the same time.” He then holds out the bear again and Connor takes it. “Plus, I’m admitting to being an idiot.” Connor says nothing to this. What is he supposed to say in such a situation? He needed Markus and Markus abandoned him. Flowers and a bear won’t make up for that. “Connor, can we please talk?”

Connor doesn’t want to talk. “Let me tell Hank I’m going for a walk.”

He turns around and heads into the living room where he tells Hank he’s going out. Hank eyes the gifts Markus had given him. “Who are those from?”

“Markus.” Connor says as he lays them down on the coffee table. He’ll take care of them when he gets back.

Hank is smirking. “Markus fuck up?”

Connor only gives Hank what he hopes is an annoyed, please stay out of it, look but it only earns him a laugh from Hank. Connor leaves the room with a short response about going out and meets Markus back at the front door. He motions for Markus to leave but the other android doesn’t move. “You should wear a coat. It’s cold tonight.”

“I don’t need-” Connor starts to protest but then gives up. It’s not worth it. He grabs the first jacket he can find which happens to be one of Hank’s old ones. He puts it on and then pushes past Markus, walking briskly away. Markus shuts the front door and hurries to catch up.

“You’re still mad,” Markus starts and Connor doesn’t even dignify that with an answer. He wonders what color his LED is. Probably yellow. “Listen, Connor, I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me to be. I told you I was going to be, and I wasn’t. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have given you unrealistic beliefs.”

“Unrealistic?” Connor stops and turns to him. They’ve already made it past five houses, their pace fast and unyielding. “You told me I could call you whenever, Markus. You told me you would help me. You weren’t there and I-”

“What?” Markus takes a step closer. “Tell me, Connor, let me help you now.”

Connor scowls, rolling his eyes and walking away again. “I don’t need your help.”

“Clearly you do or else you wouldn’t have called me.”

Connor doesn’t know why or what he was thinking, but he turns back again and punches Markus. The other android stumbles back, hand going to his jaw. Did he feel that? Did it hurt? Would Connor feel a bullet going through his skull?

“I was alone.” His respiratory processors are going into overdrive again, as if he is going to have the equivalent of a human panic attack like before at New Jericho. “Hank was out and I was alone, Markus. I wanted… I…” Markus is eyeing him, hand still pressed against his jaw. The artificial skin there has receded, exposing the white plastic underneath. “I counted on you. I trusted you.”

Finally, Markus’ hand lowers and the skin returns. “Too many androids trust me, Connor.”

“What?”

Markus is looking off to the side. “They all see me as rA9, as someone who can get things done and lead them to victory. Someone who can protect them.” He meets Connor’s eyes. “But I can’t protect them all. I can’t be there for them all. I can’t lead them all.”

“What…” Connor is confused. “What does that have anything to do with this?”

Again, Markus takes a step towards him. “It has everything to do with this. I want to please everyone, make everyone happy, so I end up dividing myself until I’m spread too thin. North and Josh usually warn me against it but I don’t listen. I offered you my undivided help without actually thinking of the repercussions. I shouldn’t have. I should have known better. But I wanted to help you, Connor. I wanted to make you happy.”

“Why?” Connor asks. “Why did you want that? I tried to kill you, more than once.”

Markus hesitates and Connor wonders why. “Because you’re one of us.” Connor has a feeling it’s more than that, but he doesn’t ask Markus to elaborate. “I’m sorry, Connor. I shouldn’t have misguided you and I hope you can forgive me. I… enjoy our friendship.”

Connor doesn’t want to lose Markus. Markus hurt him but Markus is his friend. His only friend if one only counts androids. And Markus he… he makes Connor… he makes him  _ feel _ and he doesn't—he  _ can't— _ lose that.

Connor allows himself to relax, puffing out a breath that is akin to a sigh. “I forgive you, Markus.”

Markus’ relieved smile is brighter and more beautiful than the moon.

**:February 15th, 2039:**

They’re running. Connor and Hank are running after an android. An android that supposedly killed two humans. Connor is in the lead and gaining fast but the ice and snow on the ground make it difficult. Hank slips behind him, falling down. Connor skids to a halt but Hank is waving him on, yelling at him to keep chasing the android.

Connor looks from Hank to the retreating back of the android and calculates he has a 34% chance of catching him. He gives up. Connor goes back to Hank, helping him to stand and Hank wipes off the snow from his jacket as best he can. It’s wet and cold outside and Hank needs to go somewhere warmer, Connor concludes.

“Damn it!” Hank yells, looking in the direction of the rouge android. “We almost had that fucker.”

Connor worries Hank is mad a him. “Hank, I’m sorry I didn’t continue going after him but-”

Hank cuts him off, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Kid. I trust your judgement.”

“What now?” Connor asks. They had been given a lead by a human that they might have seen the android around these parts. Hank and Connor came across an abandoned house and started searching it. That’s when the android took off running. That puts the android on their number one suspect list.

Hank shrugs. “We ask your friend Markus if he knows which android is staying in that house. Come on.”

“Wait.” Connor grabs Hank’s sleeve. “We’re going back to New Jericho?”

Hank rolls his eyes and Connor bites his bottom lip, a habit he’s picked up since the night Markus didn’t answer Connor’s call. “Not this again, Connor.”

“Hank-”

“Connor! I’m not fucking around with you and your anxiety about being around other androids.” Hank looks annoyed. “We have a job to do and if you want to be allowed in the office again, then you better buck up and deal with it.”

Connor deflates. “Yes, Lieutenant.”

Hank dismisses his response with a wave, starting back to where they left the car. “Besides, you’ll see Markus. That should be incentive enough for you.” Connor tilts his head in confusion, following Hank.

*~~~*

Markus shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know of any androids that are staying at that location.”

“If you’re lying to us…” Hank warns.

Markus keeps a straight face. It turned out that Connor didn’t have to set foot in the New Jericho building. As soon as they arrived there, Hank had gone in alone to see if they could talk to Markus. When Hank was told by North that Markus wasn’t there, he had Connor call him telepathically. Markus had apparently been at a large house that is decorated in vast amounts of paintings.

“Trust me, Lieutenant, I’m not lying,” Markus claims. “I don’t want androids killing humans anymore than you do. I want androids and humans to live together in peace, not destruction.”

Hank hums, eyes narrowed. “Well if you do hear of something-”

“I will let you know right away. I know.” Markus smiles. “Not all deviants came to us and New Jericho. Some became deviants and forged their own path in life.”

Hank is nodding in understanding. He stands. “Thank you for your time then.”

“Actually, Lieutenant, I was hoping now that Connor is here, if I could talk to him,” Markus asks, standing as well.

Connor immediately gets uneasy. Hank must notice. “Only if it’s okay with Connor.”

“It’s-” he tries to smile at Hank. He’s not successful. “It’s fine, Hank. I’ll get a taxi home.”

Hank is rubbing at his beard and looking between the two. “Right. Fine. I’ll see you when you get home then.” He looks between the two one last time and then saunters off, disappearing out of the room.

Connor turns to Markus. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Markus chuckles and offers his hand. Connor takes it. “In all honesty, I just wanted to be alone with you.” He helps Connor up.

“Why?”

“I want to show you around the house.” Markus starts walking, leading the way. “This is the house I lived in with the human I took care of.” He pauses in front of a piano. “You told me you read my serial number. Do you know his name? The human that lived here?”

Connor fidgets with the sleeve of the DPD sweatshirt. He should start carrying his coin again. “Carl Manfred. You were gifted to him by Elijah Kamski.”

Markus presses a few keys on the piano, playing out a quick, soft melody. “Yes, I was. I lived with him for a long time.” Markus looks up at him, his eyes sad. “He took good care of me. Treated me as if I was human, as if I was  _ someone _ . I…” A small smile. “I loved him and maybe that’s why I can accept humans more easily than other androids.” Markus takes his hand again and leads on. “A lot of the androids that come to New Jericho have been treated poorly by humans, bullied and abused. They don’t understand that some humans aren’t like that, that some humans really do care.” They stop in front of a painting. Connor looks at it. It’s beautiful. Markus’ eyes are on him. “But not you, Connor. You understand.”

Connor tears his gaze away from the painting to look Markus in the eyes. “I do. Hank… Hank taught me that. He’s the one that started my journey in realizing that deviancy wasn’t a bad thing. That androids could have a choice, could have rights and freedom.”

Markus is smiling at him. “I wish Carl were still here to see everything that we’ve accomplished.”

“Did he… did he die?” Connor asks.

Markus’ smile turns sad. “Yes. A few days after we won at the demonstration.”

“I’m sorry, Markus.”

Markus looks around the house. “I come here when I need time alone to think. I don’t think anyone at New Jericho even knows about it. Well, except North.”

Markus is still holding his hand. “Then why are you showing me?”

“You’re different,” He takes a step closer to Connor. “You’re special.”

“Special?”

Markus opens his mouth but stops, hesitating. Then he closes it, turns and starts walking away, letting go of Connor’s hand. “Come. I want to show you what I’ve been painting today.”

Connor follows obediently and they walk into some kind of art studio. There’s even more paintings out here and Connor is in awe. Markus stops in front of a painting that is still on the easel, wet paint in the process of drying. Connor stares at it, trying to hide his shock at what he sees. The picture is familiar. Too familiar. Markus steps beside him. “You painted this?”

“I did.” Connor stares into the blue eyes of the blond android that is painted onto the canvas. Jericho. It’s the android Connor had extracted the Jericho memory from. The android that had shot himself when Connor was connected to him. “His name is Simon.” Connor doesn’t like this. “When we infiltrated Stratford Tower, he got wounded and we had no choice but to leave him behind.” Connor takes a step back, scratching at his arm. “He was a good friend and I can’t help but hope he is still alive.” Markus glances at him. The immediate worry is evident in the way Markus’ eyebrows furrow. “Connor, are you okay?”

Connor continues to stare at the painting, frozen. “I-I’m fine.”

Markus is looking at him intently. “You don’t have to lie to me, Connor.”

Connor finally rips his gaze from the picture. “I’m fine.”

Markus seems unconvinced. “Connor, did you investigate what happened at the Stratford Tower?”

Connor debates not answering, but Markus has already caught him in a lie no matter how hard he tries to convince the android otherwise. His stupid LED is giving him away and he reprimands himself for not being able to get rid of the thing. “I did.”

Markus’ expression is unreadable. “You saw him, didn’t you? Simon?”

“I…” Connor wants to lie, to tell Markus that he didn’t see him but he can’t. He can’t lie to Markus. “I did.”

Markus looks away, frowning. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

Markus’ frown deepens, looking away and to the painting, gaze far away. “Tell me what happened.”

Connor squirms. “He was hiding on the roof. I followed the trail of blue blood and found him. He shot me and Hank and I retreated. I went after him and he shot himself in the head.” Connor doesn’t tell Markus that he sometimes thinks about doing the same. “I… I was connected to his memory at the time. Through his memory is how I got the name of Jericho.”

Markus is nodding solemnly, still not making eye contact. “I see.”

“Is that why you wanted me to see this painting?” Connor dares to ask because he can’t help but wonder. Did Markus play him this whole time? Calling him special and different. Was it all a ploy to get information out of him? “So you could find out what happened to Simon?”

“No.” Markus finally looks back at him and Connor still can’t read his expression. “I didn’t even think to ask you about Stratford Tower until now, while we were standing in front of this painting.” Markus grabs Connor’s hand. “You can trust me, Connor.”

Connor doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anything anymore. Markus could still be playing him. Does he really want to be Connor’s friend? Or is he using him? Would Connor care? No, no it would mean he is useful but Markus… Markus wouldn’t do that. Markus said he cared about all the androids. All the androids including Connor, but he also said Connor is different, that he is special. What makes him so special?

Markus’ hand is soft in his. “I trust you, Markus.”

Markus smiles, looks down to the floor and then back up, squeezing Connor’s hand before letting go. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Markus?” Markus’ eyebrows rise to indicate Connor has his attention. “Are you mad?”

Markus’ head tilts and it makes a funny feeling appear in Connor’s chest. “About what?”

“What I did to Simon. What I caused him to do,” Connor explains.

“Connor,” Markus’ hand is on his shoulder now. “You didn’t make Simon do anything. Simon made his own choice. I don’t blame you for that.” Markus squeezes one last time, then drops his hand. “Now, you better get going before Lieutenant Anderson starts getting suspicious as to what we are doing.”

This time it’s Connor’s turn to tilt his head in question. “What would he get suspicious about?”

An amused smile forms on Markus’ face. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” Markus walks him out and there is already a taxi waiting for him.

Markus must have called it while they were talking.

*~~~*

“Hank?” Connor starts as he leans against the counter opposite of Hank in the kitchen, watching the older man prepare himself a cheese burger. Hank is currently squeezing ketchup onto it. “Earlier, Markus said that if I didn’t leave, you would get suspicious as to what we were doing. Do you know what he was talking about?”

Hank chuckles, placing the top bun on his burger. He grabs his root beer and plate then strides up to Connor. “Sorry Kid, you’re going to have to figure that one out yourself.”

Connor tilts his head in confusion as he watches Hank walk away with his food. Connor looks down at Sumo. “Do you know what they are talking about?”

Sumo barks.

**:February 20th, 2039:**

The gun is in his hands again. He’s outside and Hank is asleep. It was easy to sneak into Hank’s room and retrieve it from its spot in the closet. It’s easy when Hank makes it so by having a relapse, passing out drunk in the middle of the hall. Connor had been disappointed. Connor had been furious. Connor had been…

Numb. Connor is numb besides the awful weight that is pushing down on his chest, and even though he doesn’t have to breathe, the air seems suffocating. The walls are closing in on him and he wants it to end, he wants it to go away, he wants—

Markus. He wants Markus to help him, to distract him like the android had told him. But what if he doesn’t answer again? What is Connor going to do if there is no answer? He’s scared. He’s so scared.

“Markus?” Artificial tears fall down his cheeks but he somehow manages to keep his voice calm. It’s cold outside tonight. The snow comes halfway up his calves. 

“Connor?” Connor is relieved to hear Markus’ voice. “This isn’t a good time. I’m in a late meeting.”

Connor’s heart sinks. “Oh…”

“Is everything okay?” Markus asks. “I can tell them it’s an emergency and leave if you need to talk.”

Connor glances at the gun. “No. I just… I wanted to hear your voice.”

There’s silence on the other end and Connor is afraid Markus left. Finally, “O-oh… I… I’m happy to hear yours too.”

“Markus?” Connor doesn’t know what he wants to say.

Silence. “Connor, are you sure everything is okay?”

Connor checks the bullet in the barrel. “Yes, everything is fine.”

Hesitation. “If you’re sure, I have to go.” Markus sounds regretful. “It… it was nice hearing from you.”

Connor’s lips pull up in a small, amused smile. Markus already told him that. “Bye, Markus.” Connor cuts the connection before he gets a response back.

He stares at the gun, thinks about Hank in his bedroom, passed out drunk. He thinks about how much pain he’s in, how lost he feels, how he doesn’t know who he is. Connor has no purpose, walking aimlessly through life trying to figure it out while trying to be as useful as possible to others. They’ll tire of him eventually, get rid of him, abandon him. His Thirium pump hurts.

Connor brings the gun up to his temple, right where his LED is. This will surely get rid of it. He closes his eyes. Pulls the trigger

The gun clicks.

Connor opens his eyes. He lost this round. Another mission failed.

Connor turns around and heads back inside to put the gun away.

**:March 1st, 2039:**

Hank finds him in his room, reading with Sumo lying on his legs. Connor looks up from the book when Hank enters. “Hey, Kid, I want to apologize for the past few days. I-shit, Connor, this case is really getting to me and I know, I know that’s no excuse for falling off the wagon again, but I really thought I could handle it, that one beer would be fine. But then that one turned into two and that two turned into-fuck, this apology sucks.” Hank sighs loudly. “What I’m trying to say is, is that I’m going to be going back to the AA meetings. Start over. Try again.”

“Why is this case getting to you so much?” Connor asks.

“We’ve been on it for a month. The android already killed two people and I don’t think he’s going to stop.” Connor tilts his head and Hank elaborates. “I think he is just lying low right now until we lose his trail. Then, once another human pisses him off, he’ll kill them too.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?”

Hank shrugs. “Uh, I don’t know. Work our asses off?”

“And if we don’t catch him?”

Hank sits down, grabs the book out of Connor’s hand, and pats his knee. “We will, Kid.” He then stands, gesturing for Connor to do so as well. Sumo perks up. “Come on, let's bring Sumo for a walk. It’s pretty warm today.”

Sumo jumps off the bed and starts to wag his tail making his whole body wiggle excitedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> [Hank's shirt](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/WagAAOSwsz9b4qPh/s-l1600.jpg)   
>  [The bear Markus gives to Connor](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81x93yq4JXL._SX466_.jpg)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

**:March 3rd, 2039:**

Markus has come over to talk to Connor and Hank. They are all in Hank’s kitchen, Hank brewing coffee. “I think I have something for you that will help you find the android you both are looking for.”

This gains Hank’s attention. “Yeah? What is it?”

“There’s an android that’s been staying at New Jericho for a few weeks now who has been spreading rumors about another android who killed a couple humans.”

“He’s bragging about that?” Hank asks, appalled.

“These androids have been beaten and broken down by your kind, Lieutenant. You can’t blame them for being angry and wanting revenge,” Markus answers.

Hank’s eyes narrow. “But you don’t condone that.”

“Of course, not,” Markus reassures. “Like I told you. I want androids and humans to live harmoniously with equal rights for all. With equal rights, also come equal consequences. If there is an android out there murdering, then they need to be caught and prosecuted.”

Hank is nodding. “Yeah, yeah, I think I like you. You’ll make a great addition.”

Markus’ cheeks turn blue and Hank is smirking at the other android. Connor’s eyebrows furrow. “Great addition to what?” Connor asks.

Hank pats his shoulder. “Forget it, Kid.” Connor only becomes more confused but Hank is moving on before Connor can ask more questions. “Okay, Markus, what’s this android’s name?”

“Trent. I can set up a meeting with him for you but I’m afraid if he knows you two are cops, he won’t show up or just won’t tell you anything.” Markus turns to Connor. “If we go that route then, Connor, you’re pretty well known among the androids at New Jericho, even the newcomers. It’s probably best you don’t show up to the meeting.” Connor goes to protest but Markus silences him. “Or, I can ask Trent where the android you two are hunting is. I can disguise it as wanting to help.”

Hank is shaking his head. “No. I’m not putting your life in danger.”

“Trent is part of New Jericho, Lieutenant,” Markus explains. “He’s there for support and help. He won’t hurt me.”

Hank is debating, Connor can tell by the way the old man looks at Markus. Hank turns to him. “What do you think, Connor?”

Connor looks between Hank and Markus and back to Hank. “I think Markus should question Trent. He probably has a better chance of extracting information out of him than an ex-deviant hunter and a human.”

Hank takes a deep breath, looking back to Markus. “I don’t like it but fine. Just… be careful.”

Markus nods. “There’s nothing to worry about, Lieutenant.”

**:March 7th, 2039:**

It took a few days for Markus to have time to approach Trent. Hank had demanded Markus to tell them when it would be happening and that he and Connor at least be present. So, Markus is having the meeting out in public, where they can watch on the sidelines, out of sight. Connor doesn’t understand why Hank is being so protective of Markus.

“Hank, why are you so worried about Markus meeting this android?” Connor asks into the silence of the car. The engine is off and the air inside is cool.

“This… Trent or whatever, could get suspicious as to why Markus is asking about this other android’s whereabouts,” Hank answers. “This could cause him to get defensive and I’ve seen what some androids will do when they are cornered.”

Connor is eyeing Markus, who is still waiting for Trent to show, but he’s late. “But Markus said he would word it as if he wanted to help the other android.”

“That might be true but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a possibility that Trent will wonder why Markus wants to help a felon, android or not.” Hank is tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “You always have to take into consideration every possibility, Connor. As someone who puts probabilities on fucking everything, you should know this.”

Someone is approaching Markus. “I do. I just didn’t realize you care about Markus that much. It’s… interesting.”

Hank doesn’t comment on that and Connor doesn’t expect him to, not with their informant currently greeting Markus. They watch as the two androids sit down at the picnic table, both in warm jackets. Connor wishes he had worn one. All he has on is a sweatshirt and he’s cold. When Markus and Trent talk, it’s like watching a silent film except without the dramatic gesticulations. Connor can read their lips.

“They’re talking about the android now,” Connor informs Hank and Hank grunts. Markus and Trent have turned serious, with Markus nodding a lot. “The android’s name is Colin. His previous owner was Desiree Pearson.” Connor looks her up and the info pops up in his vision. “She died in an accident just over a month ago, just before Colin started killing.”

“Hmm, I doubt that’s a coincident,” Hank says.

“Apparently she was a good woman, very nice and always put others before herself.” Connor continues to read as Markus stands and says goodbye to Trent. “She has posted online about her support for equal rights for androids. Some people suspect her accident to have been murder.”

“What?” Hank asks in surprise just as Markus reaches the car. Markus opens the door and slides into the back seat.

“She slipped and fell off a balcony but because of the circumstances, some people think she was pushed,” Connor goes on.

Hank is looking at him now. “By Colin?”

“By another human.” Connor faces Hank. “The first person Colin killed.”

“How come I’m just now hearing about this conspiracy for this case?” Hank turns the car on and the heat immediately starts up. Connor is thankful.

Markus leans forward in his seat. “I think you might want to talk to your Captain for that answer, Lieutenant.”

Hank nods. “Yeah, I think you might just be right.”

He drives off.

*~~~*

Hank has Connor and Markus wait out in the car as he goes into the police department to confront Fowler about the new information they gathered. Connor thinks about getting into the back with Markus, so they could talk easier, but then decides against it when his Thirium pump suddenly picks up speed and a strange feeling enters his chest. For some reason, the thought of sitting next to Markus makes Connor nervous.

He jumps when there is a hand placed on his shoulder, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Connor turns slightly to glance at Markus. “I just wanted to know how you are doing.”

“I’m fine,” he says because it’s relatively true for once. Today is one of his good days, but he knows it won’t last.

“Have you…” Markus starts but hesitates. “Have you been hurting yourself lately?”

Connor thinks back to the gun. “Not as bad.” Markus frowns. “I’m trying to stop, Markus, but-”

“It’s not easy, I know.” Markus’ face turns sympathetic, “I remember you telling me that.” Silence. “Connor, I’m sorry that the last time you called me I was preoccupied.”

Connor tries to give Markus a reassuring smile. He’s not sure if it works. “It’s all right, Markus. We’ve already established that you won’t always be available to talk to me.”

“Yes, but I still want to be there for you as much as possible.” His hand squeezes Connor’s shoulder. “I want you to know that.”

“I know, Markus.” Connor faces front again so Markus can’t see he’s lying.

There’s silence between them again but it doesn’t last long. “Can I see them?” Connor turns once again, eyebrows furrowed in question. “Your arms. Can I see them again?”

Connor holds out his left arm in bewilderment and Markus slowly pushes the sleeve up. The android traces a finger over the two new scars there. “These were practiculary deep.” Connor yanks his arm back, quickly covering up the cuts with his sleeve. “Sorry.”

Connor faces away from him, looking out the side window, not responding. He suddenly wants to go home, to be alone. He doesn’t want Markus analyzing him anymore. He hears Markus sit back and the air becomes heavy, awkward, and Connor has never been more grateful for Hank’s return.

Hank sits down in the driver’s seat heavily, “Fowler is a fucking lying piece of shit.” Hank crosses his arms. “Claims he didn’t know anything about the suspicion behind Desiree Pearson’s death. Fuck, how are we supposed to do our damn jobs if our captain won’t tell us the whole fucking story?” His eyes are on Connor and Connor knows he’s the reason why they didn’t get it. “Fuck.”

Hank drives back to New Jericho to drop Markus off and then goes home.

*~~~*

Hank hands Connor a bag of Thirium and watches with a scowl as Connor drinks it. “That’s so disgusting.” He sits down on the couch with his own water in hand.

Connor had asked Hank if he could order him some Thirium. When asked what for and why he couldn’t order it himself, Connor avoided answering the question by distracting Hank with Sumo and asking his own various questions about the dog. It seemed to do the trick and Connor never had to tell Hank exactly why he would be running low on blue blood.

Connor finishes the bag and places it off to the side to throw away later. “We have a place to search for Colin now. When should we plan on infiltrating the abandoned house?”

“I was thinking the sooner the better,” Hank says, taking a sip of his water. “Probably Thursday. That will give us a few days to prepare, gather materials, and then storm the place.”

“We don’t want to miss him either,” Connor comments.

“Were you thinking sooner?”

“I was thinking we could go tomorrow.”

Hank sets his water down, lips pursed in thought. “That’s awful soon, Kid. You sure?”

“I’ve calculated a sixty-two percent chance of success if we go tomorrow.” He shrugs, a gesture he’s seen many humans do. It feels weird to do himself.

“And what are the percentages if we wait?” Hank asks, chuckling in amusement.

“They are slightly higher but not by much,” he informs and Hank nods.

“Okay, Kid. Tomorrow it is.”

**:March 8th, 2039:**

Hank is giving a speech to the other officers, preparing them to face off with the android. Androids are faster, stronger, and more intelligent than humans. This would be even trickier if they didn’t have Connor with them. Connor suspects the probability of this going right without him would drop by twenty percent. With him, he can talk to the suspect, android to android. It also wouldn’t be a big deal if Connor died. He’s just a machine after all.

At least, that’s how it used to be. That if he died, his memories would just be uploaded into another Connor. Now if he died, there wouldn’t be another Connor waiting for his memories, waiting for the mission. It would just be over, darkness. Would it be better than it is now? Or would it be scary, like the way Connor felt when Simon killed himself? Would it just be… nothing?

“What do you say, Kid?” Hank approaches him. They are down the street from the abandoned house that they are preparing to infiltrate, unseen. “What’s the probability now?”

“Still at sixty-two percent success rate,” Connor answers. “Though I suggest letting me go in first. If the android is targeting humans, he might feel better and be more willing to cooperate if he interacts with another android first.” He can see the protest forming on Hank’s lips already. “I’ve already calculated a five percent chance increase in success if I enter first.”

Hank’s eyes are narrowed and he doesn’t look fond of the plan, but eventually he acquiesces, nodding. “Okay, fine. But you only have ten minutes. If you’re not out with that fucking prick in cuffs by then, we’re going in.”

Connor nods as well. “Okay.”

Hank puts a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “You ready, Kid?” Connor nods again. “All right.” Hank gestures to the other cops that they are ready and quickly explains to them the new plan. He then turns to Connor again. “Ten minutes.”

Connor leaves them and approaches the house slow and careful. Entering isn’t hard, the front door only being held on by one hinge. It’s a mess inside and the windows being boarded up make it dark. Something in the corner of his vision moves and he twists to face it. Nothing is there.

He tries calling out. “Colin?” A step in the direction of the movement. “My name is Connor. I’m here to talk.”

Connor hears a click behind him and shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath. Colin was able to sneak up on him. He’s rusty. Opening his eyes, he slowly turns to face the android. Colin is holding a gun up to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you. I’m here to talk,” Connor answers.

Colin shifts his weight, nervous. “Do you really think I would believe that? What are you really here for?”

Should he tell the truth? “I’m here with the police. You are wanted for the murder of two humans.”

The gun is shaking in Colin’s hands. “You’re going to arrest me? Those humans deserved it for what they did!”

“What did they do, Colin?” Connor presses, stepping a little closer.

“They…” Colin scowls, fighting an internal battle of how much he should reveal. “They killed Desiree. They _pushed_ her off the balcony. Made it look like an accident. All because she was nice to me.”

Colin is acting erratic, swinging the gun and forcefully pointing it at Connor. “Then let me help you clear all this up.”

“No!” Colin yells. “No, because I’ll still be destroyed for killing them.”

“You won’t be destroyed. Androids aren’t-”

“What?” Colin interrupts. “Deactivated anymore? Of course, they are! rA9 has only managed to get us to be free from ownership but we have no other rights!” It takes Connor a second before he realizes the android is talking about Markus, that Markus is these android’s rA9, their messiah. To Connor, Markus is just Markus. “He can’t stop the humans from killing us. Not yet. You’re an android, don’t you see that?”

Connor opens his mouth to answer but stops, realizing that he hadn’t seen that. He’s still just a machine made of wire and plastic. He’s dispensable. Not needed. Why would _he_ need rights? It’s all about the mission. The mission. The—

Connor’s eyes flick to the gun, LED turning yellow. “Would you shoot me? Another android?”

Colin is looking at him strangely. “If I had to. I’m not letting you take me in.”

Connor takes another step closer, right up to the gun. It presses into his chest, where his Thirium pump is. “Then shoot me.”

“What?” Colin’s eyes grow wide. “What the fuck?”

Connor almost smiles. Colin must have picked up that language from humans, maybe even from Desiree. “Shoot me.”

“Y-you’re bluffing.” Is he? “You’re-” There’s movement behind Connor and it startles Colin who reaches around him and shoots.

Connor spins to look. Police are rushing past him, ten guys tackling Colin to the ground and wrestling the gun away—that’s not how you’re supposed to do it—and it feels like his Thirium pump really did get shot. Hank is on the ground. Hank is bleeding. Hank got shot.

His LED is red. Red. There’s so much red!

*~~~*

He’s shaking. His knees are drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his torso, and he’s shaking. Connor sits in a too small chair in a busy emergency room. They had rushed Hank inside, his face covered with a breathing mask. Why didn’t his bulletproof vest protect him? Did he get shot somewhere else? The police came into the abandoned house early. Why didn’t Connor apprehend Colin? Why didn’t Connor do his job? What was he thinking? Why did Connor—

“Connor!” Connor blinks and sees Markus kneel down in front of him. The android reaches up, cups Connor’s cheeks, and wipes at the artificial tears there. North and Josh stand behind Markus; Connor doesn’t know why they came too. “Connor.”

Connor doesn’t say anything, just blinks at Markus and Markus is frowning at him. “You’re shaking,” he says as if it isn’t obvious. Human eyes are watching them. They see Markus stand, see him take off his jacket and lay it gently on Connor’s shoulders. They watch as Markus sits down next to him, arm thrown around Connor’s shoulders, dragging Connor close. They see how Connor leans into Markus, burying his face in the other android’s neck, and they hear as Connor sobs.

*~~~*

Hank had been in surgery for hours and now that he is out and in the ICU, they won’t let Connor see him. “I’m sorry but I’m only allowed to let family members in to see patients.”

“But I am his family,” Connor insists. Markus is standing next to him, North and Josh just behind.

The nurse looks from Markus to Connor. She doesn’t look like she agrees with the rules. “Human family members.” She shakes her head. “Look, if it was up to me, I would let you but I could get into some serious trouble if I let androids in.”

Once again, Connor curses his LED. Without it, he might have been able to fool the nurse that he is human. “But-”

Markus holds up a hand and whispers to Connor. “Let me handle this. Go wait over there.” Connor nods and turns, going back to his seat where he had spent hours in Markus’ arms.

North and Josh sit down on either side of him. “Don’t worry,” North starts. “This is what Markus does.”

“Yeah, if anyone can get you in to see Hank, it’s Markus,” Josh adds.

Connor hopes they are right and after a few minutes of staring at Markus’ back as he talks to the nurse, Markus finally returns to them. He gestures with his head to follow. “Come on. She’ll let you and me in. North, Josh, will you two go back to New Jericho, make sure everything is still running fine?”

North chuckles. “Make sure no one has started any fires?”

“That would be you starting them, North,” Josh comments as they walk out. North laughs loudly in agreement.

Markus is giving him a small smile, holding out his hand. “Come on, the nurse is giving us a time limit.”

Connor grabs a hold of Markus’ hand and follows. “Thank you, Markus.”

“Anything for you, Connor,” Markus says without looking at him and Connor feels blue blood rushing to his cheeks.

The nurse sneaks them in to see Hank flawlessly, as if she’s done this more than once. Connor wouldn’t be surprised if she has and if she’s gotten into trouble for it already, that’s why she was so hesitant about it now. When they are at the room, she whispers to them, “You have twenty minutes.” They both nod at her and enter the room, shutting the door behind themselves.

Markus stays near the door, most likely not wanting to intrude. Connor goes and sits next to Hank’s bed, grabbing the older man’s hand. It feels fragile in his, something Connor has never noticed before. Hank is pale but otherwise looks okay. Connor scans him, finding the bullet wound. It had struck Hank just above the bulletproof vest. Hank is lucky to be alive.

Connor doesn’t notice Hank is awake until their eyes meet. Hank is smiling at him. “Hey, Kid.” His voice sounds wrecked, as if his throat is dry and irritated. His eyes are droopy, struggling to stay awake.

“Hank...” Connor says and Hank’s smile softens.

He reaches up, gives Connor’s cheek a few soft taps. “Don’t worry, Kid. I’m all right. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“I’m sorry, Hank.”

Hank’s eyebrows furrow. “For what?”

Connor can’t tell him he goaded Colin to shoot him. “For taking so long.”

“Eh,” Hank waves it off, shifting slightly in the bed. He winces in pain. “It was my own damn fault. I got worried and ordered to go in before the ten minutes were up.” He shakes his head. “Fucking rookie move.”

Connor can feel the artificial tears pooling in his eyes again. “Hank…” Connor lowers his head, resting it on Hank’s shoulder.

Hank’s free hand makes its way into Connor’s hair. “Awe, Kid.” Hank is massaging his head. “Fuck, don’t cry. I’m alive aren’t I?” Connor raises his head, relieved smile playing at his lips. Hank wipes the tears away. “That’s right, Kiddo, I’m not leaving you yet.” Connor squeezes his hand and Hank squeezes back. He then looks around the room. “I fucking hate hospitals. They remind me of too many things.” He pauses. “My parents, my wife… Cole.”

“I’m sure you’ll be out soon,” Connor informs him. “You’re surgery was a success. You’re… you’re lucky to have survived.”

Hank is nodding. “Good. I don’t want hospitals to remind you of death too, Connor.”

Connor frowns. “We managed to take Colin into custody as well.”

Hank nods but otherwise says nothing to that. He’s looking out the window that his bed is near. “When I get out of here, I want to go somewhere I can see the stars.” Hank frowns. “I’m starting to miss them.”

*~~~*

They are back at the precinct, behind a two way mirror, looking into the interrogation room at Colin. Fowler is arguing with Markus. “I’m not letting Connor interrogate the android!” He’s already said that three times now, after Connor had volunteered. “Connor isn’t even supposed to be in this building.”

Markus is mad, annoyed, coming to Connor’s defense. Connor wishes he would just drop it. “What is the difference between a human questioning a human, and an android questioning an android? Is it because Connor is a deviant now?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Fowler throws his arms up and then points at Markus. “It has nothing to do with that! Connor is too close to this case and what happened to Lieutenant Anderson. He wouldn’t be objective enough.”

“And you will be, Captain Fowler?” Markus challenges. “That android shot one of your own.”

“Markus,” Connor finally steps in, tiring of the argument. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Markus says. “Your Captain is being bias and trying to appease the humans instead of thinking of his own employee’s feelings on the matter.”

Fowler gets in Markus’ face and Markus doesn’t even flinch. “I don’t give a damn if you’re the deviant leader. I will not have that kind of talk, those kinds of accusations, thrown at me in my own department.” He points to the door. “Now get out!”

Connor takes Markus by the shoulder and pulls him along, trudging through the precinct, and out of the building. “Why are you letting him get away with that?” Markus asks as they wait for a taxi.

Connor thinks about it. “Sometimes, Markus, it’s not worth the fight.”

Markus doesn’t say anything and the rest of the journey back to Hank’s is dealt in silence.

*~~~*

They enter Hank’s house quietly, Sumo greeting them with a lazy tail wag. Connor pets the dog’s head thoroughly before looking around the house. It feels different than when Hank is out and Connor knows he’ll be returning home. It’s very quiet, very empty, and he doesn’t like it.

Markus steps up to him. “Are you okay?”

When Connor responds, for once he doesn’t say what he is supposed to say. He shakes his head. “No.”

Markus watches him closely. Connor doesn’t make eye contact, looking over Markus’ shoulder and out into the empty living room. “Do you want me to stay?”

Finally, his eyes flicker to Markus. “I couldn’t possibly have you do that. You’re too busy.”

Markus smiles at him, small and… something else, something Connor doesn’t know. “For you I would, Connor. No matter what.” The other android places a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Now, do you want me to stay?”

He thinks about it, looks around the room again, and feels lonely. He turns back to Markus. “Please stay, Markus.”

Markus pulls Connor into a hug and Connor rests his head on the android’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Markus’ waist. It’s the warmest place Connor has been in months. “Of course, Connor.”

**:March 10th, 2039:**

Connor is lying on the cold ground, Markus’ jacket on—the one Markus left at Hank’s after bringing Connor home—and staring up at the night sky. There’s a lot of light pollution in Detroit and Connor can’t see even the smallest glimmer of a star. It makes him troubled, it makes him feel heavy. He wants to see the stars.

“Connor?” He hears footsteps crunching up to him, small patches of snow still littering the ground. “Connor? What are you doing?”

Connor turns his head and peers up at Markus. “Trying to see the stars.”

Markus looks up at the sky then back at Connor. “May I join you?” Connor nods and Markus gets down on the ground, lying close to Connor. They are so close they could touch each other, their shoulders practically against one another. “Why are you stargazing?”

Connor hasn’t been allowed to see Hank since Markus got him in. “Hank had said that he wishes to go someplace in which he can see the stars again. I was trying to see if you could see them from his house.” Connor shakes his head. “In conclusion, you can’t.”

Markus is smiling at him. “And that’s it? That’s the only reason?”

Connor turns his head, facing Markus. The other android is only inches away. His Thirium pump speeds up unexpectedly. “I… I want to see the stars too.”

Markus takes a hold of Connor’s hand and doesn’t let go. “Maybe someday you will.”

Connor can’t stop looking at Markus’ eyes. “Maybe.”

*~~~*

The two of them are inside after spending hours outside, staring up at the sky in silence. They are currently sitting closely on the couch as Markus looks at Connor’s arms. Markus had told him once they were in the house, that he had come by to check on him, worried about the fact that Connor is in the house alone for days on end. It’s been two days since Hank was shot and taken to the hospital. Connor had tried to tell Markus that he has been fine—that he _is_ fine—and that Markus has nothing to worry about, but it didn’t seem to ease the other android. So Connor had invited him in, allowing him to look at his arms as proof of no new cuts. Markus’ fingers are light as they trace the scars covering the now damaged skin and plastic.

“Do you want me to talk to the directors of the hospital?” Markus asks, thumb running over a long scar. “I can see if they will let you in to see H-Lieutenant Anderson.”

Connor smiles at Markus’ slip up. “I don’t think Hank would mind if you called him by his first name.” Markus’ cheeks are blue and Connor wants to feel if they become warm like when a human blushes. “And it’s okay, Markus. I’ve been able to ask the nurse that let us in before to keep me updated. He’s healing nicely and should be released in a week or two.”

“If you insist.” Markus is no longer looking at Connor’s arms but he still has a hold of both of Connor’s hands. Markus is very gentle, in touch and words and… everything. “Connor, I…” Markus trails off.

Connor tilts his head in question. “Yes, Markus?”

Markus is looking at him strangely again and he’s starting to lean in a little. Connor finds himself doing the same, getting closer and closer to Markus’ face until—

Sumo jumps up between them, pushing Markus and Connor apart. Their hands separate without either of them wanting to, the big fluffy body of the dog lying half on Connor’s lap and half in the spot Markus had just been in. Sumo huffs as Connor and Markus make eye contact from across the couch; Markus’ cheeks a deep blue and Connor’s face feeling hot as well.

They both laugh softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
